


Cold Water

by kiss-umi (agstdboi)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Sex, Sexual Tension, Sexuality, it turns into angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-11 20:44:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9020320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agstdboi/pseuds/kiss-umi
Summary: Living with expectations of the world is doing nothing more than being delusional. Things aren't going to change, not in a hundred or a thousand years. The longer one takes to make that realization, the more it'll eat one up.





	1. Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> This was my idea for The Exordium, but I couldn't finish it back then. I have a lot written now so I'll start posting it. ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

 

 

 

The sound of raindrops crashing against the coffee shop’s window draws Jongdae in. He follows the water lines they leave behind, running down the glass and onto the floor, wetting the sidewalk. His eyes are on the people outside, running around, trying to shield themselves from the rain with their backpacks and coats, or whatever they have in hand. There’s a girl who runs around with a soaked newspaper over her head and Jongdae only waits for it to crumble apart in her hands.

He squeezes his fingers around the black mug Baekhyun had laid on the table earlier. The hot ceramic makes his reflexes aware, brain begging for him to pull his hands back. He keeps them still, though, around the mug filled with steaming cappuccino.

Baekhyun has been talking from the moment they left their dorm room, going nonstop about Chanyeol’s upcoming birthday. Any other day, Jongdae would have indulged him into a conversation, helped him with the flow of the words. But today, his head is throbbing and his stomach is doing backflips, so Jongdae isn’t capable of going past the first sentence before shutting his mind off, promptly ignoring his best friend.

Jongdae sighs loudly, knowing that the sound will be swallowed by the noise inside the coffee shop. He looks down, at his hot beverage, then to the rainy weather outside. November is quite unforgivable; if he isn’t careful, he could catch the flu easily. The unbearable cold came earlier than expected, crushing people’s dreams to have a few weeks of autumn. The advanced winter caught them by surprise, making the number of clothing double with care when walking around. It hadn’t snowed yet, though — that usually happens only on the Christmas’ week.

However, Jongdae isn’t going to be in Seoul this year to see the first snow falling. Seoul looks amazing when white coats its streets and buildings. Even their university campus, which Jongdae would normally wrinkle his nose at, looked breathtaking enough for Jongdae to appreciate.

Jongdae can’t believe time went by this fast, but with the way he spaces out all the time, he probably wouldn’t have noticed if it didn’t. Taking a tentative sip from his mug, just to make sure it's okay for him to drink it now, Jongdae forces himself into listening to Baekhyun’s rambling.

“Kyungsoo thinks we should do something, but he doesn't want anything. He just said it would be nice enough if we went out for dinner or something,” Baekhyun sighs and finally, _finally_ , stops talking to look at Jongdae, “What do you think?”

Jongdae tries not to jump in his seat, answering Baekhyun right away. “It’s Chanyeol. You could forget his birthday and he would still smile and say he loves you.”

“That’s true,” Baekhyun says. “If Junmyeon did, though...”

“My brother would never forget Chanyeol’s birthday,” Jongdae snorts. He never thought that if he introduced Chanyeol to his brother, they would fall in love and ride Junmyeon’s white horse into the sunset. (That’s why Minseok is his favorite brother).

Baekhyun looks like he wants to protest but Kyungsoo shows up, wearing black from head to toe and looking like he wants to murder someone. If Jongdae didn’t know about his bad eyesight he would’ve run the opposite direction already.

Somehow Kyungsoo’s arrival made Baekhyun shut up completely, or maybe he's still waiting to hear Jongdae’s opinion on whatever.

“What were you two talking about?” He smiles and Jongdae swears Baekhyun just choked on air.

“I'm going to grab you a coffee,” Baekhyun’s voice is low, almost a whisper and he doesn’t meet Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“What was that?” Jongdae furrow his brows, watching as Baekhyun walks away without even asking Kyungsoo’s order. Not that he has to, anyway.

Kyungsoo chuckle is low and warm, reverberating inside Jongdae’s chest just like the feeling of his fingers on Jongdae’s waist, where his shirt is rolling up and exposing the skin. “That was Baekhyun.”

“That doesn't answer my question,” Jongdae brows furrow even more, and he stares at Kyungsoo, who squeezes his side once again before sliding off, walking to Baekhyun’s side of the booth.

“You didn't answer mine yet, so we're even.” Kyungsoo is smiling, looking calm and well rested. Jongdae has never seen a fourth-year university student look that fine, not even Baekhyun, that despite the usual energy, always has messy hair and constant bags under his somnolent eyes. He envies Kyungsoo; even though his major is less rough and bustling than Baekhyun’s, Jongdae can never seem to have a good night of sleep these days.

“He was talking about a birthday party I think,” Jongdae scoffs, drinking a long sip of his cappuccino.

“Chanyeol said he’s fine with a dinner,” Kyungsoo picks up on the subject easily, dropping his hands on the table.

“Chanyeol is fine with eating dispossessed food if we come to him with it,” Jongdae rolls his eyes. Somehow people in this place keep underestimating his brother-in-law.

“Correction: Chanyeol is fine with anything not medical-related,” Kyungsoo says, using his indicator to point at Jongdae. Jongdae drinks from his coffee so he doesn’t have to say anything, but he still nods. He can’t say he doesn’t relate to that.

“He said, and I quote, ‘If I have to look at another pair of boobs I’m gonna have to kill myself’,” Baekhyun shows up, carrying an espresso in one hand and three cupcakes in the other. He hands the trail to Jongdae, and he takes his time choosing between chocolate or matcha frosting. He settles for matcha because Baekhyun probably wants the chocolate one to himself.

“Why did he choose to pursue a specialization having the most contact with the female body if he’s gay?” Jongdae asks and watches as the other two agree with him, nodding along.

“Who knows what goes on inside Chanyeol’s mind,” Baekhyun offers Kyungsoo a cupcake, but the other refuses with a hand, shaking his head back and forth. Baekhyun sits next to him and shrugs, attacking the deserts like a starving savage. “Apart from your brother’s dick of course,” he completes and Kyungsoo chokes on his coffee, almost spilling it over his sweater. Baekhyun looks pleased to his side and Jongdae decides not to get into whatever shit these two are in.

“Thanks for the mental image,” Jongdae groans. His phone goes off, vibrating inside the pocket of his jacket. “I need to learn Mandarin in six months, any ideas?” Jongdae brings his phone out, unlocking it quickly with one hand. _On my way to your mom’s, are you coming?_

“You could apply for the university’s tutoring program,” Kyungsoo offers. He sends a look at Baekhyun’s direction that could mean either _I want to platonically choke you_ or _I want to sexually choke you_. Jongdae never knows the difference, probably because there isn’t one.

He lets go of his mug to type a reply. _Can’t, I’m busy tonight_. He sends it and hides the phone inside his jacket again, not caring for the answer. “Been there, done that,” Jongdae sighs. “The only people worse than me at Mandarin are the university’s Mandarin tutors, apparently.”

“I think I know someone,” Baekhyun holds his chin in his hands, trying to look pensive — Jongdae thinks he only looks ridiculous. “But what’s in it for me?”

“I will kindly keep myself from murdering you in your sleep?” Jongdae says with forced happiness. Kyungsoo chuckles at that but Baekhyun doesn’t think it’s funny, grimacing at his words.

“You can find yourself your own tutor then,” Baekhyun says, shrugging. Jongdae doesn’t want to give into Baekhyun, but he really doesn’t have time to find himself a new tutor and Baekhyun might be his only chance.

“Okay, okay,” Jongdae says quickly. “You can have whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” Baekhyun’s eyes light up and Jongdae guesses it’s too late to regret his words. He pretends to think for a while before looking at Jongdae and saying, “Spend New Year’s with us.”

“That’s it?” Jongdae blinks once, twice, and then nods. “Okay, I think I can escape a week earlier from terror in Paris.”

“It’s your family,” Kyungsoo humor him and Jongdae has to control himself not to kick him under the table because he knows that would backfire terribly.

“Don’t judge me,” Jongdae sighs, going back to his coffee. He ignores the conversation Baekhyun and Kyungsoo engage in after that, focusing on the rain falling outside and the people running from it.

 

☔

 

Living with expectations of the world is doing nothing more than being delusional. Things aren't going to change, not in a hundred or a thousand years. The longer one takes to make that realization, the more it'll eat one up. Maybe, when they finally do, it would be too late and they end up reaching a point where there's no going back.

Fortunately, Jongdae had that figured out before reaching his twenties, soon enough to just give up before even starting the fight. He thought, back then when things were already expected from him, that there's no point in trying to fight the hurricane when you're nothing but a weak breeze.

Jongdae is, after all, someone whose hopes and dreams had been crushed the moment he was born as the son of a businessman, chairman of the Kim Group. It made him an heir, the third in line, but an heir nonetheless.

Things were expected from him ever since he could talk: manners, knowledge, skills and a bunch of other things he could not fully understand in his first years but already had to fulfill. With time, everything began to be a routine, the only reality he knew.

It was only after he got accepted into the Seoul National University that he did find out what life was like for others. But by then, it was too late for him to hope for anything but his father’s way.

That's why he did everything people wanted him to, most of the time. That's why he pleased everyone with their way of thinking, acting how he was expected to. Chanyeol asked him if he never got tired of always giving, allowing himself to have his life taken away by soul-sucking beings. But Chanyeol was still new to this whole upper-class thing, so he didn't quite understand how it works, not like him and his brothers did.

Chanyeol always makes Jongdae feel better about himself, though. Whenever Jongdae finds himself on the edge of his emotions and is about to lose control, he runs to Chanyeol even before considering his brothers. Maybe his brother-in-law makes him feel better, always thinking on the bright side of situations. Maybe Jongdae just likes him for his wide grin and comforting presence.

He can't know for sure, but one thing is right: it definitely has something to do with how no one could make hot chocolate like Chanyeol. He somehow knows the exact temperature for it, how much chocolate is not too much, how many sugar spoons should be added, and also the right amount of marshmallows.

“Are you feeling alright?” Chanyeol’s deep voice wakes him up from his thoughts. Jongdae jumps at the sound, almost falling from the counter. If Junmyeon had been here, he would've given him a look that read _I told you so_.

Jongdae watches Chanyeol walking around the kitchen, getting dinner ready for when Junmyeon arrives. He said it was nice to get away from all the medical books he's been looking over, to do something for them. Jongdae offered to help, but they both know what happens when he tries to cook, so Chanyeol refused with a smile.

“Yeah, I am,” Jongdae speaks up. His voice is raw and throaty from the lack of speaking. He cleans it, taking another sip from his hot cocoa and closing his eyes as the hot beverage warm his insides as it slides down his throat. He smiles, happy, thinking he could cry from satisfaction. “If you weren't getting married to my brother I would propose to you.”

“You only say that because you like my hot chocolate,” Chanyeol accuses, mostly playful. He has a soft smile on his face and it makes Jongdae’s insides warm just like the drink.

“That's precisely it,” Jongdae blinks, trying to play unfazed. Chanyeol laughs, though, and just like almost everything about him, it just lures Jongdae into doing the same.

“I'll make sure to teach Seungwan how to make it,” Chanyeol winks at him, but Jongdae doesn't feel like laughing anymore, a knot forming in his stomach. Chanyeol doesn't notice, Jongdae makes sure to cover his face with the fakest smile ever, and it hurts even more than hearing Seungwan’s name.

“I'd be the happiest person in the world,” Jongdae smile widens. It sounds rehearsed and he feels like shit for lying to someone he cares so much about. But he doesn't want to break Chanyeol’s heart with the truth. _What's the truth, really?_

“You wanted to talk,” Chanyeol says, stepping away from the stove. He rests his hips on the counter, next to Jongdae, and tilts his head at him.

“Are you really not coming to Paris with us?” Jongdae asks, pouting. He does it because Chanyeol likes it and maybe, just maybe, he can convince him like this.

“I'm sorry Dae, I have to study,” Chanyeol reasons. He holds his shoulders stiffly and his face has a serious expression that Jongdae never liked seeing on his brother-in-law.

“Study, my ass,” Jongdae grumbles against the rim of his mug. It's red and Christmas-like and Jongdae would bet his ass that it's Junmyeon’s. He tries not to scoff at his non-present brother.

“Look Dae, you know how your family feels about me and…”

“They're homophobic shits, I know,” Jongdae spits his words. Chanyeol smiles, though, understanding. “But it's going to suck without you.”

“I know you all can't live without me,” Chanyeol says, turning back to making the food. Jongdae thinks it's the truth. His and his brothers’ lives got so much better after Jongdae met Chanyeol. He brought so much light into their lives that Jongdae and the others would never be able to repay him for it. “I can't though. Junmyeon thinks I shouldn't and I agree with him.”

“If you were my fiancé, I would be rubbing you all over those rich bastards’ faces,” Jongdae says rather grumpily and it makes Chanyeol laugh.

“I know you would,” Chanyeol says, laugh escaping his lips. “But you're always trying to find a way to rile them up, so you would only be using me.”

“Junmyeon-hyung is a scaredy cat, that's why,” Jongdae says. His drink is not even hot the way he likes anymore, but the way Chanyeol keeps laughing does the job for it.

“Don't tell him that,” Chanyeol says, coming down with only a smile. “He tries his best.”

“I know, I know,” Jongdae says. Chanyeol is so overprotective when it comes to Junmyeon, Jongdae can get really angry sometimes. “Hyung is pretty amazing when it comes to work, but he can be a disaster for relationships.”

“He makes me happy,” and with the way Chanyeol smiles widens, Jongdae knows at least his brother and his friend are going to live a happy life. Not perfect, but no one really is.

Junmyeon arrives forty-five minutes later, looking like he was drained to the last drop. _That's what managing a company does to you_ , Jongdae thinks.

His brother fumbles around with his suit, Chanyeol helping with the tie.

Jongdae watches as they kiss, feeling like he shouldn't be looking at something so intimate. But before he could take his eyes away, Chanyeol goes back to the food and Junmyeon looks at him, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I told you not to sit on the counter, you'll get hurt,” Junmyeon tells him, making Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“You do realize I'm not five years old anymore, right?” He says but jumps down from the counter anyway.

“Still clumsy as always,” Junmyeon jokes, flicking Jongdae on the forehead. It would've worked better if Jongdae wasn't taller by a few inches because Junmyeon had to stretch his arm in a weird way. He goes to stand next to Chanyeol, hugging him by the waist. Jongdae walks to the table, slumping his lazy body on the chair. “You're making dinner?” Junmyeon sounds surprised and Jongdae wants to laugh.

“Patjuk, my mother's recipe,” Chanyeol says, looking slightly proud. Junmyeon eyes light up at that and Jongdae can relate. If Chanyeol’s cooking is anything good, his mother’s tastes like the gods’ forbidden nectar.

“I'm so in love with you,” Junmyeon says in awe and Jongdae makes a disgusted sound.

“That's gross. Tone it down, I'm still here,” Jongdae calls out, but he thinks they both ignored him. Jongdae sighs, annoyed.

“I wonder why is that,” Junmyeon says, turning away from the stove to look at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to visit my favorite brother-in-law,” Jongdae sends a wink to a giggling Chanyeol. Junmyeon grimaces at their exchange and Jongdae only smiles, delighted to make his brother jealous.

“He’s your only in-law,” Junmyeon says, blankly. “Here, help me set the table,” Junmyeon hands him a few plates and Jongdae does his best not to break any — Chanyeol probably does that a lot, since there wasn’t a lot of plates in the cabinets when Jongdae looked.

“There’s Seulgi,” Chanyeol says. Jongdae nods, thinking about Jongin’s cute girlfriend. At least he gets to choose who he wants to marry. Jongdae feels better about making the sacrifice for the family because Junmyeon smiles at Chanyeol like he’s the only things he needs and Jongin has a particular glint in his eyes whenever he talks about Seulgi.

“I didn’t realize it was that serious,” Junmyeon furrows his eyebrows. He looks ugly like this, but not as much as when he’s laughing, Jongdae figures.

“Apparently,” Jongdae shrugs. He only remembers being introduced to her, when they both came back to Korea for the weekend on Junmyeon’s birthday. After that, all he learned about Seulgi is what Jongin told him through skype calls and messages.

“By the way, is Minseok bringing someone on my birthday?” Chanyeol wriggles his eyebrows. It makes him look ridiculous and Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“He’s a grown man, he doesn’t need to tell us about his sexcapades,” Junmyeon says, cutting the matter short. Chanyeol is insistent and Jongdae would be surprised if he didn’t hear from it again.

“I just need to know if we have to order a few extra pizzas,” Chanyeol pouts, but his tone gives off his real intentions.

“If he does, he’ll let us know,” Junmyeon says with lukewarm voice. Jongdae finds the whole exchange funny, trying to hold back his laughter.

“I included Seungwan on the list,” Junmyeon looks his way with a funny tweak on his eyebrows. It’s his way of luring Jongdae into a conversation that usually doesn’t end well.

“I—” Jongdae drags the sound, having problems with finding the right way to put it. “I don’t think she can come,” he says, the volume of his voice dropping. He plays with his fork to avoid eye contact with his brother, but he still feels his eyes piercing through him.

“Jongdae,” it’s a warning and suddenly his protection system is activated. Jongdae avoids certain subjects around his brother for one reason, and it's because Junmyeon doesn’t know when to stop and more often than not, Jongdae finds himself being cornered by his hyung. Seungwan was probably the worst of them because Junmyeon is and has always been the only one that reads through Jongdae’s fake emotions. Also because Junmyeon was there when Jongdae signed the contract with their father.

“Don’t,” Jongdae cuts him short. He looks at Junmyeon glassy eyes, swallowing the frog he harbors in his throat. “Let's just eat.”

“Dae, just please listen to me,” Junmyeon tries again, making Jongdae feel like throwing up.

As if the work of the divine goes into action, Jongdae’s phone ring in his pocket. He looks away from Junmyeon’s concerned stare, stepping out of the kitchen to answer.

There's a lump in his throat and Jongdae cleans it before speaking. “Hello?”

“ _Hi, Dae_ ,” Baekhyun’s voice comes through the speaker, shooting Jongdae shoulders down. He should've checked the ID caller, but it's a relief that Baekhyun was on the other side of the line.

“Hi Baek, where are you?” Jongdae asks. He's fumbling with the rim of his sweater, trying to push his conversation with his brother to the back of his mind.

“ What do you mean where am I? I'm in our room,” Baekhyun’s voice is full of amusement. “ _The real question is, where are you? You never leave this dorm._ ”

“I'm at my brother’s,” Jongdae heaves a sigh, ignoring the poking Baekhyun intended, “Do you need anything?”

“ _I got you a tutor,_ ” he hears from the other side of the line and Jongdae shoulders slouch down.

“How?” Jongdae asks. He looked everywhere for one, even online on websites with questionable people, and through the list of exchange students looking for one he knew or were at least familiar with but nothing.

“ _Yixing-hyung said he would do it,_ ” is Baekhyun’s answer and Jongdae feels stupid. Why didn't he think of Yixing?

“How much he wants?” Jongdae smiles. Finally, he could stop worrying over this. Baekhyun is silent for a moment before speaking again.

“ _He says he doesn't want anything, just show up Wednesday at the library, around six o'clock,_ ” Baekhyun answers. Jongdae’s eyebrows raise on his forehead. He isn't going to question Baekhyun, even if he doesn't believe in him at all.

“Okay, tell him I'll be there. Chanyeol is calling me, I have to go,” Jongdae says, before hanging up the phone and hiding it away in his trousers pocket.

“Was that Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asks when Jongdae walks back in the kitchen. Jongdae nods, sitting down next to him. “Tell him I need my textbook back,” Chanyeol says, voice loud and bothering. Jongdae didn't mind, though. He likes loud and bothering.

“How are things in university?” Junmyeon asks. Chanyeol and Jongdae look at each other and Junmyeon rolls his eyes at them. “I'm asking you both.”

“You had to be engaged to an old man,” Jongdae says moodily to Chanyeol, drawing a giggle from him. Junmyeon’s protest dies when Chanyeol starts telling them about med school, how Yixing-hyung almost blew up a fake heart today, and how he has been looking for a place to do his residency.

“Why don't you ask Minseok-hyung?” Junmyeon offers and Jongdae nods along. But Chanyeol looks taken back.

“I'm not sure it's okay,” he says, shrugging, “I don't like the idea of being handed stuff. I know you two grew up like that, but…”

“I know,” Jongdae starts, getting two pairs of eyes on him. “I know it sounds wrong, but you're brilliant, Chanyeol and Minseok-hyung wouldn't take you in just because you're his brother-in-law.”

“Hyung would never do that,” Junmyeon says, trying to be helpful. “Don't worry about it, babe. Talk to him, I'm sure Minseok-hyung would be glad to have you in his sleep deprived and borderline manic medic team,” Junmyeon smiles sweetly while Jongdae laughs uncontrollably. When he came down from it, he saw Junmyeon and Chanyeol looking at each other and blushing, holding hands over the table and not for the first time, he felt like an intruder.

The thought went away faster than it came, Chanyeol getting up to check the Patjuk while Junmyeon indulged him into a conversation about the newest car releases and which one Jongdae liked the most. It feels like routine and Jongdae more than often leads himself into that, a reassurance that not everything in his life is lost.

 

☔

 

The next week starts slowly, dragging in reality. When Jongdae wakes up Monday morning he feels like he didn’t get enough sleep and when he goes to bed it’s almost like nothing was done. Jongdae is utterly screwed, not to mention tired when Wednesday kicks in.

Waking up must be the worst part of the day when an annoying girl group song goes off next to his ear — courtesy of a Byun Baekhyun — and Jongdae fights the urge to smash the phone on the wall.

He throws his covers off of his body and his legs off the bed, right away tripping on a pile of dirty clothes on the floor his roommate can bring himself to take of off the floor.

The darkness engulfing the room only serves as a reminder of how early he needs to rise. Jongdae challenges a glance out of the window. The dormitory’s parking lot is full, mostly because no one has classes at seven in the morning and he can hear Baekhyun’s voice on his head _Why the fuck would apply to one of those Jongdae?_ But in his defense, Kyungsoo applied for it too and under no circumstance, he would let Jongdae get away with it.

He hears the puppyish noises Baekhyun makes in his sleepy. If he was only this cute when awake, Jongdae thinks as he heaves a sigh.

Jongdae disposes himself off his sleeping trousers, continuing to walk towards the bathroom. Thankfully he doesn’t trip over anything else, making his way to the bathroom safe and sound.

Cold water hits his back when he turns the shower on, and Jongdae flinches but doesn’t run from it. He sometimes feels like he’s dreaming and everything around him just looks and sounds surreal, his suspicions start to grow. He did this then, a cold shower on an autumn morning, the burning ceramic filled with a boiled drink, things that are like a pinch on the skin for him. It reminds Jongdae that he’s awake and that sometimes it’s better to be than just letting the world slowly walk by in front of his eyes. Because feeling pain might be awful, but Jongdae learned that is better than not to feel anything.

He lets the water wash away any traces of sleep, until he doesn't need to keep his forehead on the wall for support and his legs don't feel like they might give in anymore. He jumps out of the box then, grabbing whatever clothes are in reach of his hands.

Jongdae brushes his teeth quickly, ignoring the purple bags under his eyes. He could ask for Baekhyun to help him with that but he would be a royal ass if he woke the other up at this time when he knows Baekhyun doesn’t get enough sleep as a med student.

He doesn’t look in the mirror again, deciding not to care about his looks and picks his bag of the same spot he left it last night, by the end of his bed, untouched. Careful not to wake up Baekhyun, he tiptoes out of the room with a wet hair and everything.

He regrets not drying it when he reaches the front door of the dorm, where Kyungsoo is already waiting for him, holding the strap of his bag tight on his shoulders and looking put up as always.

“Where the fuck is your jacket?” Kyungsoo looks at him with a mist of judgment and worry. Jongdae shrugs, because he’d rather not admit he was too tired to think about that and he’s still too tired to go upstairs again and grab one. “It’s fucking cold outside, you’re going to freeze your ass out.”

Jongdae laughs, louder than he should, because it’s fucking early in the morning and people are still asleep. Kyungsoo grimaces at the sound, rolling his eyes, but he seems to give up on it and Jongdae follows him out of the building. Kyungsoo is right, he thinks as they step out. It’s freezing and Jongdae will get a cold like this.

He doesn’t say anything, though, because that would mean admitting Kyungsoo is right and fuck if Jongdae will lose his pride first thing in the morning. No, he only shivers nonstop as they walk around the campus and he deals with the smug, knowingly expression on Kyungsoo’s face by silently cursing his ancestries.

He sighs, relieved, when they finally reach their building, still rubbing his hands over his not thick enough sweater. Kyungsoo looks like he wants to say something but they can hear someone their names by the door.

“Yixing-hyung,” Kyungsoo exclaims, smile easing on his face. It never fails to surprise Jongdae that Kyungsoo has warmed up to Yixing faster than anyone else, he doesn’t even call Jongdae hyung — but it’s really easy to feel this comfortable around Yixing, Jongdae reasons. “What are you doing here?”

Yixing is an early bird, just like Kyungsoo and Jongdae hate that. He hates that the elder looks good in a denim jacket and white sweater even though it’s fucking early in the morning and Jongdae can only manage to look half decent with his ripped jeans and an overworn sweater that most certainly belong to Baekhyun. Not to mention the fact that he smiles brightly at them, and Jongdae didn’t have his much needed morning dose of caffeine so everything turns into a tiring experience. That he’s up at this time, on a different campus from his and when he doesn’t even have classes right now — Jongdae knows because Baekhyun doesn’t have them either — gets to Jongdae’s nerves.

“I have some things to take care off,” Yixing answer, furrowing his eyebrows for a second, before relaxing his expression. The dimpled smile is there the whole time. “Are you guys heading to class?”

“Yes,” they answer at the same time, but Jongdae sneezes in the middle of the sentence. He really should’ve dried his hair, Jongdae figures as Kyungsoo stares at him, carrying a satisfied look. It’s not that Kyungsoo feels pleased with knowing Jongdae will get sick — it is exactly that — Jongdae knows the other likes to be right even if it means things will turn out badly for someone.

Jongdae ignores him then because Yixing is looking with a worried expression and Jongdae can deal with that better.

“You shouldn’t walk around with wet hair, Jongdae,” Yixing says pouting, and Jongdae gives him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he says almost automatically and Kyungsoo looks at him incredulously but again, it’s easy to warm up to Yixing. Jongdae can’t help because he’s weak to pouting and Yixing’s motherly ways.

“Here, take my jacket with you,” Yixing starts stripping and Jongdae wants to protest, but he knows a lost cause when he sees one and he takes the clothing as it is shoved in his hands. “Don’t worry, I’m driving today,” he reassures Jongdae and he just gives up.

“Thank you, hyung,” he says almost shyly and Yixing flashes him that dimple again. Jongdae ignores Kyungsoo’s eyes on him as he puts on the jacket — the fury inside is warm from Yixing’s body temperature and Jongdae almost hugs it around himself to get more of it. “Are we still on for tonight?” he asks, wanting to shift Kyungsoo’s attention even if he knows it won’t be that easy.

Yixing looks confused for a second and Jongdae thinks he might have forgotten about tutoring him but then his face relaxes again. “Oh yes, of course.”

“Good,” Jongdae grins and he might get a headache later from smiling so much when the day hasn’t even begun.

“I’m sorry, I need to get going. See you later,” Yixing smiles for the last time before walking away and Kyungsoo waits for him to be gone from their sight before he hits Jongdae hard on the arm.

“I told you would get your ass frozen,” he scolds and Jongdae can only rub at the denim as he starts following Kyungsoo to their stupidly early class.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the lovely @mag_sushi for accepting to be my beta for this mess. Happy Holidays everyone! (￣▽￣)ノ


	2. Helping hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo shows up at their dorm room on Friday, bringing tteok and annoyance into Jongdae's life.

“I'm sorry, I’m a failure,” Jongdae groans, burying his head in his arms. Yixing laughs close to his ear, low and hesitant so that they won't get scolded by the grumpy lady sitting behind the front desk.

“Don't worry, you got this,” Yixing almost whispers to him, nudging his knee into Jongdae’s. The younger can feel the jeans rubbing against his skin, but somehow he doesn't mind.

“No need to be nice, hyung,” Jongdae smiles weakly. “We've been here for almost one hour already and I can't even do a greeting properly.”

Jongdae shivers silently. He hates the library's air conditioner, but Baekhyun is taking a rare break in his study schedule to nap in their room and Jongdae knows better than to mess with a sleepless med student.

So here they are, taking over a table at the far end of the language session. Jongdae finds it ridiculous to have the air conditioner on in November, but Yixing doesn't seem to mind it very much.

“Because you have a stuffy nose,” Yixing says comprehensively. Yixing’s patience is a first to Jongdae. His past tutors only had a roll of eyes and snorting noises for him whenever he messed the words up.

Jongdae is not used to mispronouncing a syllable and getting a pat on the shoulder, not a disencouragement.

But, as he comes to learn, it's a better teaching method and Jongdae is nothing but responsive to it. He wants to get it right because Yixing is so, so calm with him and corrects him whenever he says something that sounds funny instead of laughing at him.

It doesn't make anything easier because Mandarin is a complicated language, full of quirks and double meanings that Jongdae still has to master, but for now, Yixing told him to take it as it comes.

And Jongdae isn't about to protest that. His head pounds and his stomach is empty because he hasn't had the time to grab anything to eat since he woke up. If he wasn't so used to skipping meals, Jongdae might have been on the floor already.

“Let's try again, shall we?” Yixing places his hand on Jongdae’s thigh, squeezing it to get his attention. He just groans again, lifting his head to look at the book.

Jongdae looks at the word, then at Yixing, who's smiling encouragingly at him. He reads it slowly as he tries to remember how Yixing did the intonation for it. He looks at Yixing quizzically after, watching as a small smile unwraps on the other’s face.

“That was much better,” Yixing says, showing Jongdae his dimple and Jongdae likes to be smiled at. He also likes to be right, so that's probably why his heart is beating fast in his chest, right?

Jongdae tries to fight a yawn but Yixing smiles at him, looking at his phone screen.

“Don't you have more important things to do than trying to teach me Mandarin?” Jongdae wonders, glancing over Yixing’s shoulder at the other’s phone. “Shit, we've been here for one hour already?”

“I don't mind helping you,” Yixing says, smiling again. Jongdae wonders where he finds such will to smile all the time.

Yixing puts his hand on Jongdae’s thigh, squeezing it lightly. Jongdae feels uneasy at the touch, but smiles back, trying to look unfazed.

He's not very successful if Yixing’s confused expression is anything to go by.

“Want to wrap it up for the day?” Yixing asks, squeezing his thigh again before taking his hand away.

“Yes,” Jongdae is mumbling, looking down at his notes. He feels like his brain is about to melt and slip out through his ears.

They wrap it up in silence, Jongdae trying to tone down his wandering thoughts. Yixing’s presence, often quiet, is now unsetting for Jongdae.

They walk out, side by side without saying a word. Jongdae smiles at the lady behind the counter, but it feels more like a courtesy than anything else at the moment.

“Have you had dinner yet?” Yixing asks as they step out of the room. Jongdae shivers at the temperature change, even though they are still indoors.

“Not yet,” Jongdae says, holding a hand over his stomach as it growls.

“I see,” Yixing laughs, ruffling his own hair.

Jongdae watches from the corner of his eye as Yixing licks his dry lips. Jongdae wants to scold him for doing so, pull him in, and put lip balm on his lips. But in his mind, that sounds far more intimate than he and Yixing are. It’s the kind of thing he would do to Baekhyun, pull him close, fix his jacket, and watch him blush before he shoves Jongdae away complaining about not being a child. Jongdae lets out a laugh at the thought of his best friend and Yixing looks at him with a questioning gaze.

“Nothing,” Jongdae laughs a little more, looking around as they descend the library stairs. Yixing glances at his phone before staring right back at Jongdae.

“Baekhyun wants to have dinner together,” Yixing says. He looks tired, under the poor yellow light of the street lamp.

“Am I invited?” Jongdae jokes, quicking a few leafs on the floor.

“Of course you are,” Yixing says like it’s obvious.

“I’m not really hungry,” Jongdae says, but his stomach growls again, really loud in denial. Jongdae blushes when Yixing smiles at him.

“If you say so,” he says with a smug tone. Jongdae thinks about hiding his head inside the hole on his old sweatshirt out of embarrassment.

“I have a lot of stuff to do,” Jongdae tries to fix his mistake.

“Are you sure you’re not trying to get rid of me?” Yixing laughs.

“No, of course not,” Jongdae is fast to deny. “That’s not it.”

“It’s okay, Jongdae, I know when I’m being rejected,” Yixing says smiling and Jongdae doesn’t know if he’s joking or not.

“Hyung! I told you, it’s not like that,” Jongdae whines but it only serves to make Yixing’s smile larger.

“I’m just messing with you,” Yixing ruffles Jongdae’s hair and Jongdae fight everything in him not to blush.

His stomach is doing backflips, probably asking for food, but Jongdae has a pile of work and two big bags under his eyes that need to be taken care of.

“Oh, okay. I'm sorry,” Jongdae apologizes, not very convinced but too tired to argue any further. They walk to the parking lot, Jongdae following Yixing without a second thought until they stop in front of Yixing’s car. “I’m heading home now, have fun with Baekhyun,” Jongdae smiles.

“Nonsense,” Yixing stops him. “It’s too cold, I’ll take you there.”

“No, hyung, I don’t want to impose,” Jongdae says stiffly, shaking his head at Yixing. He's trying to hide how cold he feels, avoiding shrinking his shoulders when a strong wind blows.

“You always start speaking formally whenever I get too close,” Yixing says, really low. He smiles and Jongdae furrow his eyebrows because what is that supposed to mean?

“Sorry?” Jongdae says, confused. Yixing just shakes his head and Jongdae realizes the smile on his face is rather sad.

“Get in, let me take you home,” Yixing says. Jongdae stares at him and he’s tired, because it’s been nights since he had a good night of sleep and took a bath long enough to be considered clean; there are clothes accumulating on his side of the room that make it look like Baekhyun’s and the only kind of food he had in the last two days was high intakes of caffeine.

Jongdae just wants for it to be over; he just wants to rest, so he accepts Yixing’s offer, hopping onto the passenger's seat and resting his head on the window for the five-minute ride.

 

☔️

 

Kyungsoo shows up at their dorm room on Friday, bringing tteok and annoyance into Jongdae's life.

He supposes he needed it, instead of staying by himself and feeling guilty for being in his room on a Friday night instead of going out like normal twenty-something students would.

But Jongdae doesn't really like going out. It's when he's surrounded by strangers filling themselves with lust and high dosages of alcohol that he feels the most lonely. Sometimes, the sounds of heavily remixed songs and loud screaming are the quietest for him, so silently that it becomes unbearable.

He likes it much better here, inside his room, especially when Baekhyun is out and he gets to be with himself for a few hours — Baekhyun always liked the darkness of nightclubs better than the one in their shared room. Maybe he finds Jongdae’s silence suffocating as well.

“I don't have time for you,” Jongdae says without sparing Kyungsoo a look. Letting go of the door and walking back to his bed, where a bunch of papers is taking more space than they should.

“I need to talk to Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, placing the tteok box on Jongdae’s lap.

Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him, tilting his head to Baekhyun’s empty side of the room.

“Not here,” he says, stuffing his mouth with food. Jongdae moans at the warm temperature, looking at Kyungsoo with a not-so-bad tempered expression. Sometimes, Jongdae is being moody and all Grinch-like, but other times he's just hungry. Bless Kyungsoo for knowing how to differentiate.

“I see that,” Kyungsoo slumps down on the empty bed, taking one of Baekhyun plushies. He stares at it in fascination. “Where is he?”

“Out with Yixing-hyung,” Jongdae says as he eyes Kyungsoo. Jongdae wants to snort at his expensive black outfit, but it's not like he's any better. Jongdae`s wardrobe is filled with expensive clothes that cost as much as his student fees and he walks around the campus like he’s ready for a last minute meeting with the president or something. But like every rule has its exception, when he woke up in the morning today he fished for the oldest and shabbiest pair of a tracksuit.

The pieces are from the time Jongdae was more than just skin and bones, but now the clothing looks larger on him than ever.

Kyungsoo sits quietly on Baekhyun’s bed as he waits. Jongdae is more than thankful to that because his roommate is anything but quiet and that's the exact reason Jongdae wanted to be left alone in first place. Baekhyun knows no boundaries and likes to hum and whistle as he studies.

“So, is Seungwan going to Paris with you?” Kyungsoo asks and Jongdae realizes he likes him more when he's being the normal Kyungsoo.

“Seriously? Even you?” Jongdae asks, lifting his head from the book he's been reading for his Economy class. It's awful and Jongdae would do anything to get over with it.

“You haven't finished this book yet?” Kyungsoo shots his eyebrows up, instead of answering Jongdae.

“Soo, please let me know what it’s about,” Jongdae drops the hateful book on the bed, clasping his hands together to plead at the other for mercy. “I'll do anything.”

As he expected, Kyungsoo only rolls his eyes and goes back to playing with Baekhyun’s stupid stuffed duck.

“You need to read it in order to do the essay. And the test in two weeks,” he reasons.

“I know, I know. But I just can't handle this guy anymore, he sucks,” Jongdae pouts down at the picture of the author on the back cover.

“Why is Jongdae staring at that book as if it killed his whole family?” Baekhyun’s voice fills his ears and Jongdae looks up to see him walking in. Yixing is not far behind, holding a bunch of grocery bags that he places on Baekhyun’s much more organized study table.

“It might as well have done that,” Kyungsoo snorts, grabbing Baekhyun’s attention.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, hoping on the bed next to Kyungsoo. Jongdae lifts his eyes from the notes he's making to watch Kyungsoo shrug and Baekhyun furrow his eyebrows.

Jongdae stares with intensity, waiting to snap his friends out of their little world, but Yixing comes to him, blocking his vision of the bed with a dimpled smile.

“Hi,” he says, and Jongdae swears at the softness of his voice for no apparent reason.

“Hi,” Jongdae smiles back, bending his neck to look up at Yixing. “Come here,” he scoots to the side, patting the space he opened.

Yixing takes upon the offer and Jongdae rather feels the mattress as he gathers all the papers on top of the covers and throws them aside. His economy paper won't run away if he neglects it for a while.

“What do you have there?” Jongdae tilts his head to the bags from the convenience store. Yixing tips his head to the side, not bothering to look away from Jongdae.

“Some junk food, tea bags, plus water and healthy snacks for Baekhyun because he’s on a healthy wave,” Yixing rolls his eyes at the last part, making Jongdae laugh.

“Hey, some of us can’t eat everything in sight and still remain in shape,” Baekhyun complains, staring accusingly at Yixing.

“It’s called exercising, you should try it some time,” Yixing says smiling. Baekhyun only scoffs, going back to his almost silent conversation with Kyungsoo.

“How do you find the time?” Jongdae asks and he probably sounds stupid, but he doesn’t think Yixing will care. Yixing shrugs and holds Jongdae’s stare. “I should probably do it, lose some weight,” he jokes.

“Don’t,” Yixing cuts him, expression shifting to something serious. Jongdae looks at him with big, surprised eyes and Yixing doesn't seem to be done. “If you lose more weight you might disappear Jongdae.”

Jongdae wants to believe he's worried. He truly knows that's what it is. But how thin is he that even Yixing, someone who doesn't see Jongdae on daily basis and has no idea what Jongdae looked like when fed properly, noticed?

“Sorry, hyung,” Jongdae says, eyes trained on the bed dipping below his knee. He doesn't want to look up at Yixing, afraid of what he might find if he does.

“What are you two looking all serious for?” Baekhyun’s voice breaks the thick tension between them. Jongdae rolls his eyes at his roommate, feeling Yixing shift next to him.

“Are you done pretending we're not here?” Jongdae asks, tilting his head towards the two men sitting really close and leaning on each other. Baekhyun snorts, but Jongdae swears he blushes. He doesn't point it or ask about, though, it's not his business after all.

“Who wants some tea?” Kyungsoo asks, getting up from the bed. Jongdae watches Baekhyun frowning, lips curling upwards when his friend openly pouts.

Yixing seems to be watching it too, laughing low next to Jongdae. Jongdae looks at him then, exchanging a knowing look.

Yixing holds the stare. It's not that Jongdae can't look him in the eye but somehow it gets really hard. He sighs, relieved when his phone buzzes on the nightstand, and reaches across Yixing to grab it.

“Are you guys going to Chanyeol’s party?” he asks, reading the message from Junmyeon and typing an answer to his brother right away.

“Of course,” Baekhyun smiles and Kyungsoo nods next to him, handing the former a black mug that's for sure Jongdae’s. He bites his tongue, taking the pink one from Kyungsoo’s strong hands. The ceramic burns instantaneously as he folds both hands around it, but Jongdae maintains a stoic expression.

“How about you, hyung?” He snaps his head at Yixing.

“I'm going to be late but yes, I'll be there,” he smiles brightly and Jongdae looks away.

Baekhyun hums, “Important boy, busy boy.”

Jongdae stares at Yixing throwing his head back against the wall and laughs out loud, mouth opening wide. It should be ugly, but somehow Yixing makes it look cool.

Jongdae feels a shiver running down his spine and looks at the window. Since it's closed, it's probably the door. Even if he holds onto the hot mug, his fingertips are freezing. The toes hiding inside the fluffy black socks are not much better, to the point Jongdae can barely wiggle them around.

Kyungsoo looks at him with intensity and Jongdae would rather have him playing whatever game with Baekhyun.

“It's an interview,” Yixing answer Baekhyun, making Jongdae snap out of it.

“Oh I see, you found a hospital,” Baekhyun grins. He wiggles around on his bed and Kyungsoo makes an annoyed face, holding his mug carefully not to spill his hot drink. He looks like he was expecting for Baekhyun to do something of the kind, with steady hands holding to the drink.

“Chanyeol is still looking for one,” Jongdae says. He takes a sip from the tea and grimacing at the bitterness, missing the way Yixing smiles at his antics.

“They called me from Yangji,” Yixing looks at Baekhyun as if asking if the pronunciation is right. Baekhyun nods, making an astonished expression.

“Who called you?” Baekhyun asks and Jongdae leans forward, anticipating.

“The chief of surgery?” Yixing says, not so sure. Jongdae wants to laugh. “Kim Minse-something.”

And Jongdae does laugh. Baekhyun joins him and Kyungsoo only rolls his eyes at them, looking apologetically towards Yixing. He looks lost at the reactions, wondering what he said wrong.

“Kim Minseok?” Jongdae ceases his laugh, but they can still hear Baekhyun in the background.

“Yes,” Yixing looks enlightened for a second before frowning his eyebrows. “How do you know about him?”

“He's my brother,” Jongdae shrugs. He looks down at his tea, but doesn't miss Yixing gaping.

“Are you serious right now?” Yixing asks. Jongdae smiles, nodding.

“He's a pain in the ass,” Jongdae says, but it's half-hearted. Kyungsoo snorts at him.

“You talk as if he isn't your favorite,” he says.

“Minseok-hyung is everyone's favorite,” Baekhyun says, smiling and Kyungsoo doesn't look like he's about to protest that.

“He's rich as hell,” Yixing says looking down at his phone.

“You're searching my brother on the Internet?” Jongdae tries to sound offended, fighting a smile. “That's so wrong.”

“You're an heir?” Yixing laughs, ignoring Jongdae who suddenly feel the urge to hit the elder. Yixing looks up from his phone and Jongdae stops his arm midway, staring like an idiot at his eyes curling up from the stretch of his cheeks and mouth hanging open in a smile that makes Jongdae feel weird.

“That's not funny,” Jongdae whines, hand finally meeting Yixing’s arm. But the elder doesn't even flinch and Jongdae squeezes the muscles. “What the hell?”

“Exercising,” Yixing looks smugly at him and Jongdae makes an incoherent noise. It's not fair that some people can look and feel like this.

“Are you done pretending we're not here?” Baekhyun repeats his sentence from earlier and Jongdae glares at him but Yixing giggles and he forgets all about his urge to kick Baekhyun.

 

☔️

 

Jongdae is late, there’s no denying. He stares at his phone screen, Yixing’s message on display, rescheduling their Mandarin session for today. Jongdae and Junmyeon had more than a few drinks last night and he ended up crashing at his brother’s house. Now he’s fucking late.

It’s pretty empty, even for a Saturday night, so Jongdae does a little run for the dorm building. Once he passes the wet floor from the rain and steps on cold carpet, he runs to the second floor, taking the stairs. He can see his dorm room when he reaches the end, walking towards it to pick up the textbook Yixing lent him.

Jongdae checks his phone once again, hoping that if he did it enough times, it would magically change the time.

He feels stupid for taking a nap at Junmyeon’s, thinking it would be okay if he just rested his eyelids a bit.

Jongdae almost kicks someone down when he runs in the hallway, trying to reach his door. He apologized quickly, turning his torso backward as he runs bowing down. He knows it isn't polite, but Jongdae couldn't care less right now. He just needs to get to his dorm and then to the library, conveniently located half-way across the campus.

Fumbling with his backpack, Jongdae looks for the keys while groaning at the mess inside. With his luck, he isn't finding anything there, not even in a million years.

Jongdae rests his temple on the door, closing his eyes. “Why is everything going wrong?” He groans, talking to himself.

When he is about to walk away, giving up, he hears muffled sounds on the other side of the door.

Jongdae sighs, relieved Baekhyun is in their shared dorm for once on a Saturday night.

He just goes for the knob, without thinking clearly, because Baekhyun has this annoying habit of leaving the door unlocked for anyone to walk in whenever they would like.

Jongdae thanked his roommate’s stupid antics for once, turning the knob down and pushing the door open, rushing through the door. He had half a mind to close the door behind him with his feet, walking towards his side of the room.

Only then he tried to make out what was going on inside the room. And should've realized earlier, for his and Baekhyun’s sake.

Jongdae looked to his side, at Baekhyun’s bed, where the latter himself was on his knees, bare back to Jongdae, expression of horror painting his face.

Jongdae regretfully looked up, to where his best friend was holding a dick in his hands. The plump pink lips and the breathless state gave in what exactly was going on.

Baekhyun and Jongdae were mortified, staring at, each other for what it felt like forever. Then the third person in the room — the dick’s owner — decided to speak and Jongdae wished right away that he never did.

“Jongdae?” His own name rang in his ears like a foreign sound, Jongdae closing his eyes and begging for it to be a dream. But the strong accent and the sweet tone were too distinct for Jongdae not to recognize it.

And Jongdae only had to cope with the surprise and come to terms with one fact: he had just walked into his best friend giving a blowjob to his Mandarin tutor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *Shoves Baekxing on people's faces* *Runs away*  
> 


End file.
